I think that my spirit has been broken and I am not sure how to recover. This isn’t like the time that I was cut from the musical and I cried in the bathroom stall for an hour. This isn’t like the time that I realized that the boy that I thought I loved didn’t love me back and I lived life in a depressed daze for a few days. This isn’t like the day my grandfather died when I sobbed for hours and then realized that he was in a better place.
My core aches. My inner spirit is bruised. My spirit has been broken. My passion has been sucked out of me.
I guess in many ways I should be happy that have been able to work at a job that I truly did love at least in the beginning. No shovelling coal, cutting wood, waiting tables, or answering phones for me. Because I loved my job, my job took advantage of me. I worked more hours than most and had more responsiblity than most. For much of my career, my pay was low in comparison. Fortunately, I didn’t just work for the money. I wanted to be able to have enough money to lead a decent life, have a house and take vacations.
What drives me to really be successful is my passion, strength and desire to do my best and to do what is right. I grew up in an environment where doing my best and doing what was right, were not expected… they were demanded! I have tried to achieve these goals in my life, but for about the past five years I have realized that most people do not value them as much as I do.
Making the tough love but “right” decision is something that I used to be applauded for. When I do this now, I am called a bitch.
Encouraging those around me to work until the product is “right” is something that used to be celebrated. Now it is a negative characteristic and is considered to be mean.
I worked hard and long on an improvement plan that was completely disregarded. It hurt my feelings. It taught me a lesson. It made me angry. It did not break my spirit.
Now as I watch one of my co-workers (that reports to me) be completely disrespected and misunderstood by my boss, I feel like the air is being sucked from my lungs and my spirit is broken. The best co-worker that I have ever worked with is completely disregarded. He isn’t replaceable. His passion runs strong. His efforts are always top-notch. He cares more than anyone else.
When it happened to me, I didn’t like it. But now I have to see it and I can’t bear to watch it any longer. I can’t bear to live it any longer. Yet I have no other job to run to and no other place to go.
My spirit has been broken and I am not sure if I will ever recover.